I have called and emailed every single midwife in the city. I am so fortunate to have been able to personally reach at least half of them. I had a very long conversation with Barb Scriver on Friday. She asked me to tell her my birth story, and I did so (as much as I could remember anyways), and she told me she could hear the hurt in my voice. She said she was obligated to give priority to repeat clients, but after that, she gives precedence to VBAC moms. I am hoping so badly that she accepts me into care. I felt so comfortable speaking with her.
In the forefront of my brain right is that conversation. As I was telling her my story, I was finding that I couldn't remember some of the details that I thought would be permanently ingrained into my mind. I can't remember what led to what, and why. I think in the time that has passed, subconsciously I have blocked a lot of it from my memory, because it is so incredibly painful to think about. I do believe that it is important for me to know what happened and to understand why, so I have just phone the Royal Alex and requested a copy of my hospital records. Maybe the clinical details will help me to piece it all back together.
Once I can assemble the clearer picture of what went on, I would like to share my birth story in it's entirety. For now, I only have a vague timeline, and my husband is no help in remembering. If you were to ask him, his account would be something along the lines of "She wet the bed during Grey's Anatomy, we didn't get any sleep, we walked around the closed food court, stuff happened, more stuff happened, I had to wear a stupid hat, they cut her open, and then Lyra was born". He's not very helpful.
I'm feeling positive today. Feel positive with me.