Monday, March 28, 2011

Step One.

I have called and emailed every single midwife in the city. I am so fortunate to have been able to personally reach at least half of them. I had a very long conversation with Barb Scriver on Friday. She asked me to tell her my birth story, and I did so (as much as I could remember anyways), and she told me she could hear the hurt in my voice. She said she was obligated to give priority to repeat clients, but after that, she gives precedence to VBAC moms. I am hoping so badly that she accepts me into care. I felt so comfortable speaking with her.

In the forefront of my brain right is that conversation. As I was telling her my story, I was finding that I couldn't remember some of the details that I thought would be permanently ingrained into my mind. I can't remember what led to what, and why. I think in the time that has passed, subconsciously I have blocked a lot of it from my memory, because it is so incredibly painful to think about. I do believe that it is important for me to know what happened and to understand why, so I have just phone the Royal Alex and requested a copy of my hospital records. Maybe the clinical details will help me to piece it all back together.

Once I can assemble the clearer picture of what went on, I would like to share my birth story in it's entirety. For now, I only have a vague timeline, and my husband is no help in remembering. If you were to ask him, his account would be something along the lines of "She wet the bed during Grey's Anatomy, we didn't get any sleep, we walked around the closed food court, stuff happened, more stuff happened, I had to wear a stupid hat, they cut her open, and then Lyra was born". He's not very helpful.

I'm feeling positive today. Feel positive with me.


  1. I'll be positive with you. I'm a pretty positive person. Crossing my crossables you get your VBAC!

  2. I am feeling positive for you every single day. You come into my thoughts often, and when you do, I say a little prayer that you will get the healing birth that I know you want and need. You are not a lemon, yoou are a GODDESS!!

  3. You've been through so much, Mama. You're so strong. I'm glad you found someone who really heard you, and that you felt comfortable talking with. Remember that we love you, and that we're all here for you, too! <3

  4. I feel positive for you! I had a heavily intervened 1st birth that ended in a caesar and then went on to have two VBACs (one was even a homebirth VBAC!) Have faith in your body and surround yourself with positive people and you'll do fine.