I'm debating having him run Betas. I'm back and forth over whether or not I want to. One one hand, I am completely perplexed by my totally asymptomatic-ness. On the other hand, I spent my entire pregnancy with Lyra worrying about everything...
This is one issue I won't ever forget- prenatal testing and all of the awful, heartbreaking results that come out of them. They told me my daughter probably had down syndrome and/or cystic fibrosis, all because of a few clinically insignificant soft markers in her ultrasound. I assure you she has neither of those conditions. One of the doctors at the clinic even went so far as to tell to me the story of her 28 week stillborn baby. There is a time and a place for self-dosclosure, and that was definitely NOT one of them. it was completely inappropriate and I will never forget that.
Because of the horrible experiences we had with prenatal testing, I swore to myself I would never put myself through that again. Of course it's easy to say such a thing without being in that position again. I know I have no reason to be worried- I'm not experiencing any pain, I'm not bleeding, my gut isn't telling me that something is wrong. I just don't trust my body. After everything I've been told about my reproductive system, how can I?
First, I was told that I might not be able to carry a pregnancy to term, because of my mutant uterus (muterus? LOL). Then, when I did achieve pregnancy, they told me there was something wrong with my baby. Then, weeks later at a scan they decided everything was fine. Of course as you know, after my birth experience, they told me my body was incompetent.
How can I move past these hurtful stigmas? How can I regain trust and faith in myself? Can I put to rest thee ideas that I am broken? How do you move past this?
I'm sorry sweetie! But obviously they've been wrong. A lot! Your body is a lot smarter than doctors know. :)
ReplyDeleteEveryone is subject to a degree of human error... unfortunately, it sounds like you've experienced more than your fair share of it. And while some people completely lack in the tact/time-and-place department, don't let that sway you.
ReplyDeleteAs far as genetic issues go, the only way to find out for sure is genetic testing done through amniocentesis (I'm sure I spelled that wrong). It's easy to see a dark spot and say "there's a problem" but ultrasounds are REALLY limited for many diagnostic capabilites.
After you had Lyra, did you go to any post-partum counselling?
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ReplyDeleteI was pressured to consent to amniocentesis, but I declined. I wasn't comfortable risking my pregnancy for answers.
ReplyDeleteI didn't see any counsellors, no. In hindsight, i wish I wold have. I don't believe I ever suffered from postpartum depression, but as I'm thinking about the last 18 months, I do believe I have PTSD.
Might I suggest looking into even one or two counselling sessions? It might not address *everything*, but I'm certain it could do oodles for helping you sort out and hopefully resolve some of the problems that have led to your damaged sense of self-worth. And give you some strategies for coping with the stress that you're already feeling / will face during this pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteEverything you have been told is bullshit. You can carry a baby to term, Your baby was healthy and many of the other things said were also false. You have to know that you can trust your body to do it's job just as I am sure it would have if it wasn't "dealt with" like last time. You know that the doctor's have thier best interests in mind and not yours so you have to begin trusting yourself. You can't fix Lyra's birth and should stop thinking about how things may or could have went. What you went through was traumatic and you have to allow yourself to heal from that pain but to do that you have to accept her birth first.
ReplyDeleteI am with Andrea on the counseling sessions. You need to believe that everything is fine and that things will work out. The constant worrying is only going to cause problems.You are not incompetent and neither is your body. In fact I think when alone you should repeat that to yourself out loud. I am not incompetent, my body is not incompetent and I know I can do this. Over time you will know it's true
After reading this post it really sounds like you need to go to birthing classes!!! They go through all the myths and maybe refer you to better doctors. A lot of what doctors do is tell you what can go wrong cause they don't know what is going to happen. I know you already had a kid but birthing classes will teach you what is actually happening how to deal with doctors, streches and yoga moves, counter pressure dealing with pain with no drugs. When you go to the hospital knowing what the docs actually have to get done to you and your baby and what they do because they have always done something and they don't need to do it...ie drugging you...this makes your baby drugged to and it is unable to move into the key and lock position an un-drugged baby will move and shift and will fit through your junk(haha using your other facebook post) or vulva. as well as naturally puke out fluid. When you are drugged the baby does neither of these things the docs wont tell you that unless you ask.
ReplyDeleteTalk to your midwives and stop dealing with these doctors...
ReplyDeleteThanks for your input Mike, but you're telling me things I know :)
ReplyDeleteAs much as I'd love to go to my midwives, I'll have to be accepted into care by one first. There are three in Edmonton who attend home birth after cesarean. Should I not be accepted into their care, then I will be looking into birthing at home without one.
I'm not birthing at the hospital, that is for sure. Hospitals are no place for a baby to be born. Pregnancy is not a condition to be managed, and both isn't something that happens to us, it's an experience that we endure. I'm not sick an doctors are only trained in myopathies, not in the normal.
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry your having these issues and self doubts about your body :( Our bodies were made to give birth naturally and instinctively know how to respond. I would severely recommend reading "Painless Childbirth, an empowering journey through pregnancy and childbirth" by Giudetta Tornetta. I really believe it could help you, and will guide you through steps as to how to trust and have faith in your body again :)
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